She said I betrayed her and that I didn’t want to be with her/love her etc

I received a call while hanging out with her. It was a girl that wanted to hang out. One that I have known for a few months (post gf). Anyway I told the girlfriend who was on the phone and she flipped out!

She can’t believe that I gave the girl my number or that the girl had mine. The fact I talked to the girl was probably the part the upset her the most.

To me this seems very strange as we have been together for 4 years and I have never cheated on her or broken her trust.

What do I do? I am willing to not see any more girls period (to be with her). But this seems just a tad extreme to me. Am I wrong?

I’m surprised that you’re willing not to see any more girls, period, just to be with her. Admittedly, four years is a long time, but this is one of those things that’s worth putting up a fight against. She’s trying to cow you into disregarding half of the planet, simply to soothe her neuroticism and paranoia.

And I really don’t like the idea of my girlfriend being the only girl I ever know (she is my first and only good female relationship atm)

She needs to get over this, and not just with regards to this specific person. If she can’t figure out a way to override her insecurities with her trust in you, there are more serious problems than the remote possibility that you’d even consider cheating on her. posted by Picklegnome at 4:23 PM on

These are all symptoms of an abusive relationship

In my experience, a lot of women will explain this away as a jealousy issue, but it is completely about control. I can guarantee that the next thing to happen will be her monitoring your phone calls, messages, and email. She will attempt to guilt you with hysterics and waterworks at every opportunity.

Speaking as a woman who has lots of straight male friends, including a few single ones, and whose husband has lots of straight female friends, including quite a few single ones (sadly, none of the former are right for the latter, otherwise we could be getting our matchmaker on).

So you need to talk about this, either just the two of you or with a counselor, because this is nonsense.

Or you could just dump her, but it sounds like you want to keep this relationship going. posted by Sidhedevil at 4:26 PM on

Sounds like she’s very insecure about it, probably from being cheated on in the past or a fear of this happening. I’d say she needs to work this out with a therapist (a professional, certainly someone not you) — the way I see it, you can either choose to stay with her as she works through this, or go on a break and make it clear that you’d like her to work it out before you get back with her.

In my experience, a lot of women will explain this away as a jealousy issue, but it is completely about control.

If you focus on the symptoms rather than the cause, you’re not going to solve anything. posted by spiderskull at 4:34 PM on [1 favorite]

I happen to be a girl whose friends are almost all male, in which case I’m the “other girl,” the one who’s supposedly working hard to steal the boys away. This jealous and insecure mentality in girls does not seem uncommon, unfortunately, so you may wonder if it’s you. however, it is definitely her. She is insecure in her own skin, about someone loving her, etc. Rather than confronting that fear, by giving you and herself the freedom to try to make good, logical decisions over time, she’s trying to control the freedom that she fears.